walking each other home

Way back, what now feels like an eternity, maybe in March this year, a journalist asked me some questions. And one of those questions was “what do you think is the biggest obstacle when it comes to helping people fleeing the war in Ukraine?”. I remember not taking a pause to think. I remember it was so clear then and feels like premonition now. I said, “the biggest issue is perseverance”. I believed it so strongly then as see now how much fatigue people have when it comes to heavy imagery, unresolved issues, people suffering, survivors' guilt, guilt for having more than those unlucky ones or many other issues I hear from people as time goes by.

Can you get tired of war? Can human sacrifice become something you just get used to? How different is this narrative from hundreds of movies that arrive on daily basis on our screens and devices? How do I stop feeling guilty from “darkening the mood” when I mention Ukraine after arriving to a social gathering? How do I measure how much I can lift and how much I can carry for a long while?

“The biggest issue is perseverance” - because it's that time we allow ourselves to realize that real life is not a reel, that things we don’t necessarily like we can switch a channel from. Because the longer you hold something, it gets heavier. Even if you cry, even if you share and talk about it. It stays there. Unmoving, heavy, frightening.

A while back I came across an artist who chose to stay in Kyiv -Yevgenia Belorusets. She says, “I think everyone has the right to think and talk about the war. It is our common pain, the common pain of all humanity. The whole world is, in a sense, responsible for what is happening. This is an act of violence, bloodshed, brutality, and genocide. Anyone, anywhere in the world, must connect with this. If somebody has travelled out of Ukraine for whatever reason but feels it necessary to talk about it, let her speak.” And to be honest ever since the very beginning I keep waiting for certain wisdom to arrive to me. I keep thinking every time I enter spaces where I do my best to help, where I join groups of people to hold spaces for pain and suffering. Or just for connection. For being quiet, so the tears can arrive. And I feel like I will be waiting for a while. Because there is not much sense. There are words that hold, that support, that create moments of connection but they don’t bring relief.

It’s only proof to keep on going. Persevering.

And so far I can only say that I have learned to be more quiet, more grounded, more connected to light. As in one of my favourite quotes from Ram Dass “We are all just walking each other home”. Peacefully within.