When there was no Christmas

I grew up with no Christmas.

It was forbidden. Everything associated with religion, family and Christmas peace, according to the Soviets, was supposed to disappear, but it never did. They tried to convince that Christmas is a pagan holiday celebrated only by dark people and that educated communists do not engage in such nonsense. I grew up with Christmas that was a very different experience.

It was something I was strictly taught to not discuss or share in school. It was also my job to meticulously close the curtains for the moment the family gathered around to celebrate. It was also always a funny feeling because there was another thing to celebrate openly - New Year. It is true that the New Year, which has become almost a political holiday, has thinned out the fans of Christmas and Christmas Eve, but it has not destroyed the traditions.

Funny enough, I feel like if it wasn't for the Soviet era, I probably wouldn't have a raw idea of what a real Christmas was, with the spirit of respect, love and faith that unites the family. If I did not have the experience of Christmas during the Soviet era, I would say that this holiday of greed and gluttony is not for me. I'd probably be like Charles Dickens' Scrooge who hated Christmas. Well, Scrooge didn't like Christmas because he was stingy. I don't like modern Christmas for another reason - the huge Christmas bubble of contradictions.

But I don’t want to go deeper into politics or re-hatch more things that should be resting in pieces of the Berlin wall. I just want to share that there is a certain magic of traditions that get stronger when challenged, a certain joy of also creating your own ways to celebrate, question and find peace in the gaps.

Photography by Anastasiia Mykytiuk. Cards collected by my dad - Danielius Kvartunas